Rule Five Random Thoughts Friday

Sometimes it seems unfair that we spend our youths working our asses off so that we can enjoy free time while we’re old and decrepit. But then, when I get old, I don’t plan to be decrepit.

Here are some other things I wonder about:

I wonder why people buy high-performance cars and then drive five miles ah hour under the speed limit in the left lane on the interstate. I spied a couple just such on last winter’s drive to California; a new Mustang, another an older Camaro. Makes no sense.

I wonder why the person who invented the brassiere made them hook in the back. Seems counter intuitive to me, not to mention damned inconvenient.

I wonder why the call it a “lisp” when, if you have one, you can’t say so.

I wonder why Paris Hilton is a “celebrity.” (Scare quotes intentional.) From what (admittedly little) I’ve heard from her, she’s about as witty, intelligent and interesting as a bunch of beans trying to negotiate their way out of someone’s colon.

I don’t wonder who wrote the Book of Love. I have my reasons.

I wonder why Japanese schoolgirls wear what amounts to a sailor’s outfit. They are not going to school on a ship. Does anyone know?

I wonder if all the porn were suddenly deleted from the internet, the resulting void would collapse into a singularity and draw the rest of the Earth down its gravity well.

I wonder if that did happen, would it happen too fast for anyone to blog about it?

I wonder if Kaiser Bill mustaches will ever make a comeback.

I wonder what warp in the space-time continuum makes Japanese days arrive a day before regular days do.

I wonder why roughly twenty percent of humanity are deliberately self-centered, thoughtless assholes. Another forty percent are too stupid to realize when they are being self-centered, thoughtless assholes.  That’s sixty percent who regularly manage to find a way to piss me off. I’ll grant you that I just made these statistics up. I admit that the fact that I usually spend one day a week on an airliner may have skewed my perceptions on this issue.

I wonder how they get men to appear in Viagra and Cialis commercials. These guys must have people coming up to them on the street, saying “Hey, you’re that guy on TV that can’t get it up without a pill!”

I wonder why someone would buy a four-wheel-drive pickup, spend a small fortune on aftermarket modifications including a beefed-up suspension, huge tires, and off-road lights, and then never, ever, ever even think about taking it off paved city streets.  And yet I see many trucks like that.   Maybe the driver thinks the truck says something about him; to me, it says “idiot.”  A four-by-four should wear its rock chips and branch scrapes with pride.

Feel free to post your “I wonder whys” in the comments.