Now: I don’t know what to make of this, but apparently a feud between two Wyoming ranch families has led to cows having, among other things, penises bleached into their skins. Yes, really.
Two criminal complaints filed last month in the Sundance Circuit Court allege that Patrick Sean Carroll, who is 66 this year, and his son Tucker Kye Carroll, who is 34 this year, funneled 189 heifers and six bulls into a chute and bleach-dyed them to get a neighbor’s attention after three years of having the cattle cross onto their land.
Some of the heifers had penis shapes bleached onto their bodies, according to an evidentiary affidavit written by Crook County Sheriff’s Deputy Alex Jessen.
Here’s a bit of the history leading up to this:
Habeck has leased the ranch neighboring Carroll’s since 2014. But over the past three years, the number of cows that get through the fence onto Carroll’s property has increased to the point that hundreds cross over at any given time, Carroll said, according to the affidavit.
Carroll grew frustrated. When he would call Habeck to let him know, Habeck would be “laid back like it’s not a big deal,” says the document.
“It sometimes takes Philip (Habeck) a few days to move his cows back,” the affidavit relates from the interview.
Thus, bleach penises.
I guess this is one of those cases where the penis mightier than the sword (hah) but this is a part of the country that has a history of people actually grabbing guns and shooting it out over rangeland, so maybe bleached penises – if a bit immature – aren’t all that unreasonable.
Good fences, as they say, make for good neighbors, and this is a case where the opposite is true. Hopefully now that some public light is shining on this, the two families can solve this problem without gunplay.
Researchers from Spain and Germany have discovered characteristics of specialized secretory cells in simple animals called placozoans which could identify them as a prelude to neurons in other organisms.
Roughly the size of a grain of sand, these basic creatures have no organs, consisting of little more than a colony of different cell types. Much as they still do today, placozoans once hunted microbes and browsed algae in the warm shallows of seas 800 million years ago.
So 800 million years ago we have evidence of emerging brains. Any guesses as to when we might see evidence of brains in Congress?
I’ve put this up a couple of times before, but it’s been a few years, and I’ve revised this a bit since then. So, if you want to measure your own personal Toxic Masculinity, have at it! Note: This is intended to be humor, don’t take it too seriously.
You score one point for every item you can answer in the affirmative; your total score is, well, your total score. Grading is at the end. Feel free to post your results!
1. I use soap in the shower. A bar of soap.
2. I do not use body washes.
3. I do not trim or pluck my eyebrows.
4. I do not get manicures.
5. I do not put any lotions, oils, balms or creams on my body unless there is some purpose either medicinal or sexual.
6. I have a “haircut,” not a “hair style.”
7. I can wash my hair with soap and a washcloth.
8. I do not wear cologne. Perfume is for girls. Aftershave is acceptable, as long as it’s Old Spice.
9. I can go from ‘asleep’ to ‘ready to leave for work/movie/date’ in under fifteen minutes.
10. I own a pair of cowboy boots or engineer boots.
11. I own more than one pair of cowboy boots and/or engineer boots. 12. I own a cowboy hat.
13. I own more than one cowboy hat.
14. I own more than one cap with a logo from either a car company, heavy equipment manufacturer, or an agricultural supplier.
15. I do not use an umbrella. If it rains, I have caps and hats.
16. I know the difference between a cap and a hat.
17. I own a leather jacket.
18. I own a black leather jacket.
19. I have scars.
20. I have scars that I brag about.
21. I have scars from gunshot wounds.
22. I carry a pocketknife.
23. I hang stuff on my belt.
24. I can drive a manual transmission.
25. I can drive a motorcycle.
26. I can drive a commercial truck.
27. I can operate almost any vehicle on two, four or more wheels, from a motorbike to a five-ton truck.
28. I can operate tracked machinery (i.e. Caterpillar.)
29. I can operate a light airplane.
30. I own a truck.
31. I own a four-wheel drive truck. 32. My truck has branch scrapes and rock chips. Lots of them.
33. I carry jumper cables in my truck.
34. I carry a high-lift jack in my truck.
35. I carry a tow strap in my truck.
36. I carry an axe in my truck.
37. I carry a gun in my truck.
38. I can navigate with map and compass.
39. I can navigate by orienteering.
40. I can run a chainsaw.
41. I can start a fire without match or lighter.
42. I am proficient with a pistol
43. I am proficient with a rifle.
44. I am proficient with a shotgun.
45. I can make improvised traps.
46. I can capture, kill, prepare and cook wildlife.
47. I can catch fish with purchased fishing tackle.
48. I can catch fish with fishing tackle improvised from materials obtained in the wild.
49. I can build an improvised shelter with materials obtained in the wild.
50. I do not see “chick” movies unless there is a chance that I might get sex afterwards by so doing. 51. John Wayne is, very nearly, a deity.
52. I love Westerns. Especially John Wayne Westerns.
53. I enjoy movies that feature:
• Hot vampire chicks in black leather.
• Hot any kind of chicks in black leather.
• Hot any kind of chicks.
• Killer androids.
• Killer aliens.
• Hot vampire android alien zombie chicks in black leather.
54. Tom Cruise is the result of a Communist plot to demoralize America by subjecting us to crappy acting.
55. Vegetarian, my ass. Give me a steak.
56. The four major food groups are: Steak, pizza, beer and cheeseburgers.
57. Real men eat any damn thing they want.
58. I love bacon with near-religious passion. 59. All foods should be served with home fries and/or corn bread.
60. Everything’s better with Tabasco.
Total up the number of question you can honestly answer “yes.”
55+ – You’re a manly man in the manliest form.
50+ – Your testosterone level is normal, but you’re not blowing up anyone’s skirts.
< 50 – Oh, for crying out loud, cowboy up already.
I don’t make these rules. I’m just telling you what they are.
Notes on my own score:
Of course I scored 60/60, I wrote the test.
5. Trust me, you do not want to know.
14. Mine include Ford, CAT Diesel Power, J&W Meat Processing and Pioneer Seed.
21. Yes, I really do.
29. I have, but it’s been a long time. A looooonnnng time.
Kenji Suetsugu, an associate professor at in the Department of Biology at Kobe University, worked with photographer Koichi Gomi on the findings.
“I was genuinely surprised. I was afraid the squirrel might get an upset stomach,” Suetsugu told Newsweek. “But, the same individual squirrel returned a few days later to continue feeding on a panther cap mushroom, leading us to conclude that it is highly probable that these squirrels can safely consume poisonous mushrooms.”
The authors said their observations suggest there is a symbiotic relationship between the squirrels and toxic mushrooms. Not only do the squirrels likely benefit from eating the mushrooms, but they could be helping distribute mushroom spores too.
Suetsugu said the poison found in the mushrooms could still deter other animals who might not have what appears to be a mutually beneficial relationship.
It is thought that mushrooms such as the amanita are poisonous to dissuade animals from eating them.
At the present time, the symbiotic relationship between the squirrels and mushrooms is hypothetical, however. The research poses numerous questions warranting further study, the authors said.
How can squirrels survive eating toxins “deserves future study. As it stands, we cannot answer the question,” Suetsugu said.
Well, I’m pretty sure I can answer the question.
Skwerlz (the proper spelling for the global-domination cabal), you see, are bent on world domination. Tree skwerlz have been around almost unchanged for twenty million years or so. They are accustomed to being one of the most successful mammals on the planet, so they can only look at us with some frustration. Now, they’re acting on that frustration.
Just look at the evidence: They are attacking people, and at least one skwerl has joined forces with a human criminal to spread mayhem. Now, it’s clear that they are building up immunity to toxic mushrooms, so they can spread them around the environment, increasing the odds of humans accidentally ingesting one. I mean, it says right there, that the skwerlz are helping spread the mushroom spores.
Keep a clear eye, True Believers. They may hit your neighborhood next. It’s nuts.
[Graham]…was…approaching the visitors center when he spotted around 20 otters crossing a dimly-lit path in front of him. He claimed it was the first time he had seen the mustelids in the area despite taking his morning walks there for five months.
A jogger ran through the group, setting them off.
The otters went “crazy like dogs” and tried to rip into the runner.
When that individual escaped, the animals turned toward you-know-who.
No word on whether they had marshmallows, but the critters crunched into Graham like a cracker.
They attacked and attacked s’more.
The ornery otters reportedly hit him in the ankles, pushed him down and leaped on top of Spencer, then proceeded to bite the prone man around his legs, shoes and buttocks, with one nipping his finger, according to the media reports.
In ten seconds, he was bitten 26 times.
Salvation came after the victim’s friend, who was about “15 paces” away, ran up to him screaming and yelling in an attempt to scare the hairy hooligans away.
Graham hightailed it to the visitor’s center with the vicious weasel-like wackos in pursuit.
This is some funny stuff from a distance, and the article’s punning makes it more so. But there’s a serious message behind the wacky verbiage: Wild animals are, you know, wild. Every year visitors to places like Yellowstone and, yes, here in the Great Land, learn this lesson to their sorrow.
Unfortunately we live in an era where most folks have their lessons on wildlife from Disney movies. Most of the so-called “environmentalists” you see opining online and in the letters to the editors sections of the few remaining print papers are urban dwellers with no idea of what it’s really like to live out in the actual environment – other than maybe a one-week vacation spent in some expensive chalet with a view.
Jokes aside, Mr. Spencer here didn’t do anything wrong, and got bitten up anyway. He was fortunate that these were otters and not a bear, but his encounter, while amusing on the surface, lends a lesson that should not be taken lightly: Treat wildlife with respect and caution.
I started this Wednesday tradition with nothing more than the mid-week application of suitably-themed and totally gratuitous Rule Five totty, then expanded it to a links post, very shortly thereafter adding the “This Week’s Idiots” section and the cultural edification at the end, until, well, here we are. 350 posts in – that’s almost seven years of Hump Day News. I think that Wednesday posts have now achieved their final form. Hope you all like it.
Chicago Mayor Beetlejuice is a racist cunte, and an idiot. Seriously, put this shoe on the other foot – say, the white mayor of a major city granting one-on-one interviews only to white journalists. The media would (rightly) be outraged. That’s the difference between politics and principles. Mayor Beetlejuice and the complicit Chicago media has the former, not the latter.
We’ll always have Lou Reed, right? Imagine his 1972 tune Walk on the Wild Side being released today. Here are the first two verses:
Holly came from Miami, F.L.A. Hitch-hiked her way across the U.S.A. Plucked her eyebrows on the way Shaved her legs and then he was a she She says, “Hey, babe, Take a walk on the wild side.” Said, “Hey, honey, Take a walk on the wild side.”
Candy came from out on the Island In the back room she was everybody’s darling But she never lost her head Even when she was giving head She says, “Hey, babe, Take a walk on the wild side.” Said, “Hey, babe, Take a walk on the wild side.” And the colored girls go “Doo do doo do doo do do doo…”
It would almost be worth it to hear the RHEEEEEE from the SJW crowd, wouldn’t it? Here’s the entire song; enjoy.
This second week of May is finally seeing off most of the winter’s accumulation of snow here in the Great Land. Robins have returned, the birches and alders are greening up, and every afternoon sees more and more of our yard exposed. In a few more weeks, wildflowers will be blooming.
Of course, that means spring clean-up. It’s a little more work this year than will probably be the case most years, as the previous owners left us some stuff that, due to the midwinter sale, they were unable to clean up, although due to that they have kindly offered to help. But suffice it to say the burn barrel will be seeing some extensive service the next couple of weekends.
The good news is that we’ll have ample firewood for the coming winter, as the unusually heavy snow last winter broke off a couple of trees on the back of the property, so with those, some alders taken down by the power company, and what was left from last winter, we’ll be well-stocked.
Newsweek finds an acorn. And PJMedia’s Bryan Preston weighs in: Wokism rejects character and life’s complexities and subtleties. It places humans in boxes and categories based entirely on their race, not the content of their character or the actions they take. It rejects even the possibility of redemption. Wokism doesn’t allow for an individual’s character to matter at all. It’s segregationist, not unifying. Ten. Ring.
Scotland to vote for independence. Well, that could be interesting. If the English decide to use force to hold Scotland in line, they should pick someplace suitable to fight it out – say, Culloden Moor. I think the Scots would like some payback for that one.
Folks who have read these virtual pages for any time at all know that Mrs. Animal and yr. obdt. are both fond of the Land of the Rising Sun, of the land, the people, the culture, the food, the drink, and everything else. Recently one of our kids, also a Japanophile, sent us this; I’m not entirely what it’s a tutorial of, other than being Japanese, adorable, and good at producing synced front and back videos. This is NiziU, with Make You Happy. Enjoy.
China virus. China virus. China virus. China virus. China virus. China virus. China virus. China virus. China virus. China virus. China virus. China virus. China virus. China virus. China virus. China virus.
China virus. China virus. China virus.
(And by “China virus,” I mean, “Fuck off, slaver!”)
What’s the matter with kids today? Nothing new. A large portion of the brats, the squirts, the fuzz-faced, the moon calves, the sap-green, and the wet behind the ears have always been “Punks for Progressives.”
As soon as children discover that the world isn’t nice, they want to make it nicer. And wouldn’t a world where everybody shares everything be nice? Aw … kids are so tender-hearted.
But kids are broke — so they want to make the world nicer with your money. And kids don’t have much control over things — so they want to make the world nicer through your effort. And kids are very busy being young — so it’s your time that has to be spent making the world nicer.
For them. The greedy little bastards. Kids were thinking these exact same sweet-young-thing thoughts back in the 1960s, during my salad days (tossed green sensimilla buds). Young people probably have been thinking these same thoughts since the concept of being a “young person” was invented.
That would have been in the 19th century — during America’s first “Progressive Era” — when mechanization liberated kids from onerous farm chores and child labor laws let them escape from child labor.
Example #3,495,393 of the “soft people make hard times” phase of societal development. As I’ve stated before in these virtual pages, I think we are transitioning to this phase from the “good times make soft people” phase; events of the last summer make me think we’re on the downhill slope of that transition.
O’Rourke’s real gem, though, is this:
They’ve got it coming. Young people are not only penniless and powerless, they’re also ignorant as hell. They think of wealth as something that’s limited, like the number of Hostess Ding Dongs on the 7-Eleven shelf. They think rich people got to the 7-Eleven first and gobbled all the Ding Dongs, leaving poor people to lick the plastic wrappers.
Young people don’t know that more Ding Dongs can be produced. They don’t know how or why more Ding Dong production is possible. And they certainly don’t know how to get the cream filling inside.
(Leaving aside the wild indignation of young people about the very existence of synthetic industrial and undoubtedly poisonous food such as Ding Dongs. They eat them anyway. Watch them shop at the 7-Eleven when they think nobody’s looking. But I digress.)
Young people believe that the way to obtain more wealth is to take it away from rich people.
You can’t do it. Well, you can do it. But you can only do it once.
You can take the Ding Dongs from the Hostess factory for free, but once you’ve eaten them you can’t go back to the Hostess factory and take more Ding Dongs for free. The Hostess factory is out of business.
It would be difficult to explain economics (and the stupidity of socialism) any more clearly than this.
The rise of socialist “thought” (I use scare quotes here as I doubt any of the young people O’Rourke described are doing much, if any, actual thinking) speaks to the softness of our society, the failure of our education system, and the rather baffling shift away from understanding the value of liberty.
So how do we get these kids to start, you know, thinking?