Animal’s Hump Day Commentary News

Happy Hump Day!
Happy Hump Day!

The internet has changed all of our lives – at least those of us who are old enough to remember the pre-Internet world.  It has revolutionized business, socialization, culture and politics.

But there’s a dark side.

Ever read the comments on a blog post, a YouTube video, or a news story?  It can be disheartening.  But, dedicated observer of cultural phenomena that I am, I have taken it upon myself to visit such comments sections and compile a set of three rules, which shall henceforth be known as Animal’s Rules of Internet Commentary, and will now present them here for the edification of True Believers everywhere.

  1. The Facebook rule.  Facebook itself is bad enough; it has without a doubt the worst noise-to-signal ratio on the internet (and that’s really saying something) but it’s also easily ignored.  Not so when a blog or news site uses the Facebook commentary plugin.  The Facebook rule states that the use of the Facebook commenting plugin reduces the average IQ of commenters by 36%.
  2. The YouTube rule.  Bad as Facebook is, YouTube commenters are worse.  But there’s a bright side; there is no YouTube comment plugin.  But a few moments spent reading comments on any YouTube video upload – go ahead, choose one at random and see for yourself – and observe the stupidity for yourself.  But be careful:  The YouTube rule states that even reading YouTube comments can cause temporary or, in some cases, even permanent brain damage.
  3. The Left-Wing Site rule.  The reasons for this are the matter of some speculation, but the facts of it are well-documented;  left-leaning web sites are far less tolerant of dissent than right-leaning sites.  So much for the vaunted ‘tolerance’ of the Left; try posting dissenting opinions at HuffPo or Daily Kos, and see how long your posts/accounts last.  The Left-Wing Site rule states that you are 98.723% more likely to be banned for dissent from a left-leaning blog or site than from a right-leaning one.

Derp BearMany hours of study went into these observations, and a considerable amount of income went into the purchase of draft beers and Scotch to help erase the effects of reading Facebook posts and YouTube comments.

But that’s all right.  I did it for you, True Believers; I did it for you.