Animal’s Daily Toxic Skwerlz News

Were Squirrel

In Japan, in what can only be an event of great foreboding, squirrels have learned how to build up their resistance to toxic mushrooms.  Excerpt:

Kenji Suetsugu, an associate professor at in the Department of Biology at Kobe University, worked with photographer Koichi Gomi on the findings.

“I was genuinely surprised. I was afraid the squirrel might get an upset stomach,” Suetsugu told Newsweek. “But, the same individual squirrel returned a few days later to continue feeding on a panther cap mushroom, leading us to conclude that it is highly probable that these squirrels can safely consume poisonous mushrooms.”

The authors said their observations suggest there is a symbiotic relationship between the squirrels and toxic mushrooms. Not only do the squirrels likely benefit from eating the mushrooms, but they could be helping distribute mushroom spores too.

Suetsugu said the poison found in the mushrooms could still deter other animals who might not have what appears to be a mutually beneficial relationship.

It is thought that mushrooms such as the amanita are poisonous to dissuade animals from eating them.

At the present time, the symbiotic relationship between the squirrels and mushrooms is hypothetical, however. The research poses numerous questions warranting further study, the authors said.

How can squirrels survive eating toxins “deserves future study. As it stands, we cannot answer the question,” Suetsugu said.

Well, I’m pretty sure I can answer the question.

Skwerlz (the proper spelling for the global-domination cabal), you see, are bent on world domination.  Tree skwerlz have been around almost unchanged for twenty million years or so.  They are accustomed to being one of the most successful mammals on the planet, so they can only look at us with some frustration.  Now, they’re acting on that frustration.

Just look at the evidence:  They are attacking people, and at least one skwerl has joined forces with a human criminal to spread mayhem.   Now, it’s clear that they are building up immunity to toxic mushrooms, so they can spread them around the environment, increasing the odds of humans accidentally ingesting one.  I mean, it says right there, that the skwerlz are helping spread the mushroom spores.

Keep a clear eye, True Believers.  They may hit your neighborhood next.  It’s nuts.