First of all, our hearty thanks once again to The Other McCain and Pirate’s Cove for the Rule Five links!
Moving on: Gwyneth Paltrow is a fair actress and she’s pretty hot, but when it comes to “alternative medicine,” she’s barking nuts. Excerpt:
This week, Gwyneth Paltrow’s high-profile lifestyle and e-commerce site, Goop, gave birth to a beautiful gift to the Internet—and it wasn’t a moon-powered vagina egg that invigorates our mystical “life force.” No, it was a perfectly crafted reference guide for how to sell snake oil.
It’s really quite impressive.
Read the whole thing; but if you’re pressed for time, here’s where it gets really funny:
But before we take a dive into how Goop makes its money, it might be useful to run through the inventory of ridiculous products and practices that the Goop brand has peddled. This way, you can have an idea of just how much legwork might be needed during a sales pitch to move these types of products.
I’ll start off with the jade egg, which is, of course, intended to empower women when inserted into the vagina. According to Goop’s “beauty guru/healer/inspiration/friend Shiva Rose” it can improve your sex life and “detox” your lady bits, among other things. It sells for a mere $55 to $66 on Goop’s site.
To be fair, some women might feel emboldened by shoving an expensive rock in there. But there is no evidence to support—or even reason to believe—the health claims. For one thing, unless your kidneys are failing or you have been poisoned, you do not need to detoxify your body. Detoxing is not a thing. Plus, as Dr. Gunter and others have pointed out, keeping a porous egg that may harbor bacteria in your vagina has the potential to spur an infection. Similarly, Goop has also recommended vaginal steam cleaning, which is unnecessary because the vagina is self-cleaning. The steaming could also encourage infections, as well as burns.
Holy.
Effing.
Shit.
Question, True Believers: Is it fraud if you actually believe the bullshit you are spewing to sell your useless crap? Because this smells like fraud to me.
Don’t get me wrong; I do actually believe that, at some point, fools and their money deserve to be parted. But really, horseshit like this strains credulity. What’s really disappointing, what really shakes what little faith I have left in my fellow man, is the fact that some people actually believe in and spend money on this absolute codswallop.
Seriously, Ms. Paltrow – you should be ashamed of yourself. You are taking advantage of people who (I’m guessing) don’t have two IQ points to rub together, and you’re doing so by selling them the biggest line of horseshit since the Greeks convinced the Trojans to roll an enormous wooden horse, big enough to contain a few hundred Greeks in full armor, inside their city gates and all go off for an early night.
