No, this post isn’t about Congress. Well, not yet. But here’s a doc (not named Frankenstein) who is going to try to reanimate a brand-dead cadaver. Excerpt:
Sergei Paylian was only 14 years old when he was horrified by the death of his young, attractive neighbor in Tbilisi, Georgia. As was the local Soviet custom at the time, her open coffin was carried through the street to the sound of music as a shocked teenage Sergei looked on, confronted for the first time with the issue of his own mortality.
It sparked a lifelong obsession with aging – and how to reverse it.
Now, standing in his neat Florida laboratory that looks more like a dentist’s office, the 66-year-old scientist is explaining how a lifetime of research has culminated in a purified extract he calls bioquantines, ‘combinatorial biologics’ incorporating other species such as frogs and, in the future, sharks that he believes is the key to curing diseases – and even death.
When injected into humans, he claims, the bioquantines find their way to diseased or damaged cells and help restore them to a healthier state.
The company Dr Paylian founded, Bioquark, is part of a broader project called ReAnima – which is ‘exploring the potential of cutting edge biomedical technology for human neuro-regeneration and neuro-reanimation.’
Prediction: It won’t work. “Dr” Paylian may be able to resurrect Pauly Shore’s career, but he won’t be able to resurrect a cadaver. Even if he managed to restore enough brain-stem function to keep heart and lungs working, how much higher brain function would be irretrievably gone?
Prediction #2: “Dr” Paylian will produce a corpse on a heart-lung machine, somehow provoke some reflex movement, and claim “partial success.”
But the whole idea isn’t hopeless. Maybe we could mix some of these “bioquantines” into the lunch menu in the Capitol; they might just resurrect Congress into some kind of actual animated activity.
Then again – do we really want them doing anything?