Animal’s Daily Bigfoot News

This week over at Glibertarians, I can offer you another Profile in Toxic Masculinity – Ernest Hemingway.  Go check it out!

Once that’s done:  A bunch of kooks in the Pacific Northwest have launched something called Expedition Bigfoot.  (Sounds like a sleeping bag.)  Selected excerpts with my comments follow:

More than 10,000 eyewitness accounts have described Bigfoot encounters in the continental U.S. over the past 50 years. Bigfoot even has an FBI file that was released to the public on June 5; in 1977, the agency examined 15 unidentified fibers that were suspected of being Bigfoot hairs. But the hairs were eventually found to be “of deer family origin,” FBI Assistant Director Jay Cochran, Jr. wrote in a letter. 

Of course they were deer hair.  Because there are no Bigfoot.  (Bigfeet?) date, there is no fossil evidence showing that large primates other than humans ever inhabited North America, said primate researcher and “Expedition Bigfoot” team member Mireya Mayor, director of the Exploration and Science Communications Initiative in the College of Arts, Sciences and Education at Florida International University.

And that should be pretty conclusive in itself; however, to be fair, animals that live in forests often don’t leave a lot of fossils, as forests aren’t really conducive to fossilization of remains.  But more on this later.

However, the idea that a new type of undiscovered primate could be hiding in dense woodlands in North America “is totally within the realm of possibility”

It’s not.

…as long as the animals have food, shelter and a habitat that isolates them from humans, Mayor told Live Science.

There is nowhere in the Pacific Northwest remote enough to shelter a population of thousands of human-sized primates.

In fact, chimpanzee researcher Jane Goodall said in a 2002 interview that she wouldn’t dismiss the possibility that such creatures might be real.  “I’m a romantic, so I always wanted them to exist,” she told NPR host Ira Flatow.

That last line tells you all you need to know.  “I always wanted them to exist.”  I always wanted to play naked Twister with Scarlett Johannsen, but guess what, that’s not going to happen, and these people aren’t going to find any giant cryptid apes, no matter how hard anyone wants to do so.

Look, people are free to waste their own time and money however they like.  But as I’ve said before on this issue, too many folks don’t realize that they aren’t out there looking for a few of these critters. To maintain a sustainable population, there would have to be thousands.  It’s inconceivable that one hasn’t been found dead, or hit by a car, or shot by someone by now.

Unless, of course, you accept the logical conclusion:  They don’t exist.