Category Archives: KooKoo

Animal’s Daily Staggering Lack of Self-Awareness News

Her Imperial Majesty Hillary I, Dowager Empress of Chappaqua, is at it again.  Relevant quote from Her Imperial Majesty, with my comments:

“What I would like to see is a democratic majority that actually has the chance to make that choice right now the Democrats have very few tools at their disposal to stop the Republicans from going full speed ahead and engaging in the kind of unprecedented behavior as they did with the Garland nomination. So I’m not in favor of either unilateral disarmament or Defcon-10. I think there has to be some effort to try to get back to regular order, try to get back to having a system, a process in place so that we are not subjected to the hardball behavior of the Republicans that we saw in the Garland nomination, and we’re not subject to the outrageous denial of the information that was requested on Kavanaugh.

It’s worth pointing out that Senate Democrats had several times as much data on Judge Kavanaugh as was presented for prior candidates.

“I mean, there can’t be one set of rules for Democrats and one set of rules for Republicans.”

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

“That’s one of the reasons why people don’t have any confidence in the Congress. How can you? You don’t know what’s going to happen from day to day.”

This is true; back in the day you didn’t have shrieking maniacs being led out of Senate hearing chambers in handcuffs during the confirmation process of a Supreme Court justice nominee.  And, pray tell, who were those shrieking maniacs?  Hint:  They weren’t NRA members or College Republicans.

I remember back in the Thomas hearing when senator bird was asked what he was going to do, and he said in a situation like this we should give the benefit of the doubt to the court and the country. And that’s what the Republicans should be doing right now, from the White House down Pennsylvania avenue to the Senate, give the benefit of the doubt to the court and the country.

You mean like you gave the benefit of the doubt to Paula Jones?  To Kathleen Willey?  To Monica Lewinsky?  Care to remind us, Your Royal Highness, how you reacted to your husband’s bimbo eruptions?

So, True Believers:  Is Her Imperial Majesty running again in 2020?  Because this interview sure seems like it’s intended to position Herself for another run.  Republicans all over are salivating at the thought, but who knows?  Besides, a nasty primary  fight between Her Royal Highness and Fauxcohantas Warren would sure be entertaining.

Animal’s Daily Colorpuncture News

Here, True Believers, we have some Gwyneth Paltrow-level horseshit.  Excerpt:

Acupuncture is many things. There’s the traditional insertion of needles at acupoints on the body. But there’s also electro-acupuncture, acupressure, ear acupuncture, hand acupuncture, foot acupuncture, scalp acupuncture, insertion of gold beads, electrodermal acupuncture with a biofeedback machine, moxibustion with burning mugwort, cupping, and even tongue acupuncture. In other variants of acupuncture, homeopathic remedies are injected at acupoints, and acupoints are stimulated with light, sound, pressure, heat, electromagnetic frequencies, and waving the hands over acupoints. The silliest is tong ren, where patients rhythmically tap acupuncture meridians on an acupuncture doll. A close second for silliness is esogetic colorpuncture.

Colorpuncture applies various colors of light to acupoints with a small flashlight-like instrument with a colored quartz rod. The tip of the instrument touches the skin or is held a short distance above it. Seven basic colors are used: the warm colors (red, orange, and yellow) increase energy; the cool colors (green, turquoise, blue, and violet) decrease energy. Using warm and cool colors together will balance yin and yang energy flows. Treatments last 10 to 90 minutes.

Colorpuncture is a form of light therapy based on the hypothesis that photons are emitted by cells, allowing them to communicate. “Illness occurs when the cells can no longer speak the same language.” A German naturopath, Dr. Peter Mandel, supposedly developed colorpuncture over thirty-five years of intensive empirical research. It supposedly addresses the nonphysical origins of illness by “inviting our basic life energy to rearrange itself into a new state of balance.”

Please note that the linked article is debunking, rather than advocating, for the enormous steaming pile of woo that is “colorpuncture.”

While the purveyors of this nitwittery are of a kind with those who sell Ms. Paltrow’s corral litter, I’ll give the colorpuncture frauds credit for one thing; at least they are unlikely to do anyone an actual injury, unless some moron gets the genius idea to use lasers to get a stronger effect.  Can’t say that for Ms. Paltrow and her “shove a jade egg up your cooze to remove toxins” line of crap.

As I’ve said so often in these virtual pages, there is a point where fools and their money deserve to be parted.

But just the idea that there are people out there stupid enough to buy into this crap – that’s just downright unsettling.

Animal’s Daily Screwball News

In my tenure producing these virtual pages, I’ve often (and, I think, justifiably) referred to Senator Sanders as the loony old socialist from Vermont.  And his protege from New York City, Ms. Ocasio-Cortez, can also be presumed to be a bit daffy, at least on economic matters.

But there’s a difference between loony and absolutely, barking batshit nuts.  This guy is the latter.  Excerpt:

A Green Party candidate for Congress in Ohio’s nail-biter contest who won nearly enough votes to throw the race into an automatic recount – gave a speech-slurred interview this year in which he couldn’t remember his own website address.

Joe Manchik also says he’s descended from aliens and hails from the town of Hell, Michigan.

In Tuesday’s closely watched special election, 1,127 Ohioans chose him over Republican Troy Balderson and Democrat Danny O’Connor.

Balderson’s apparent margin of victory was just 1,754 votes. Presuming Manchik’s base would otherwise have been O’Connor supporters, the result without him would have been a hair’s-width away from triggering an automatic recount.

And:

The native of Hell, Michigan says he traces his lineage back to a more far-off place.

‘My distant relatives originally came to planet Earth from a planet orbiting a star in the Pleiades star cluster located in the constellation of Taurus,’ Manchick writes, boasting that he was ‘voted “Class Musician” by my High School graduating class.’

He did not respond to a message left Wednesday at his personal phone number, which he posted on Facebook.

Wow.  Wow.

I suppose the GOP should be happy to take their spoilers where they find them; Pols are hardly the most stable folks in general, after all, a certain level of narcissism seems to be a minimum requirement.  But the candidates in both parties should be pretty embarrassed to have lost even a single vote to this nutbar.

Maybe, though, there’s a little campaign strategy possible here.  Finding candidates crazy enough to stand out like this guy does is a challenge, sure, especially given the amount of crazy to be found in both major parties.  But think about it – obviously, at least in swing-state Ohio, there are enough bugnuts voters to make this guy a spoiler.

Worth a try?

Animal’s Daily Scamming The Rubes News

Lacking any religion of my own makes me impartial on the subject, but I’ll be the first to admit that all religions are not created equal; and Scientology strikes me as the purest of corral litter, suitable only for enriching cornfields.  Now we can take a look inside one of Scientology’s E-Meters, and we find that it – like most of Scientology as a whole – is the purest of bullshit.  Excerpt:

E-Meters are essentially ways of measuring electrodermal activity, or the ebb-and-flow of electrical activity on the surface of the skin. For scientologists, this measurement is interpreted as a way to “see a thought,” similar to a lie detector, although there is no scientific evidence to back up the Church’s claims. Over the years there have been several versions of the E-Meter produced by the Church of Scientology, which sells E-Meters to members for thousands of dollars apiece.

Although the Church attempts to stop former Scientologists from selling E-Meters on eBay, there are dozens of listings for E-Meters selling for a few hundred dollars each. Recently, the Swiss maker behind the Play With Junk YouTube channel decided to pick up a used version of the E-Meter that the Church used until around 2006.

Here’s the conclusion:

It’s a lot of hardware for a device whose only use is measuring the electrical resistance of human skin. Although Play With Junk is impressed with the quality of the hardware components, he said the device is “certainly not worth thousands of dollars—maybe two hundred dollars or something like that.”

In other words, the “Church” of Scientology is ripping people off, and calling it religion.

This isn’t anything new.  The “televangelist” craze of the 1970s and 1980s had their bad actors, a few of whom actually served jail time for fraud and tax evasion.  But the Elmer Gantry set seems like a minority in mainstream Christianity, although some of them amass some pretty substantial fortunes at the expense of their mostly working-class parishioners.

But the horseshit Church of Scientology seems especially egregious, with their bizarre ramblings of extraterrestrial beings and “thetans,” and the gobs of pseudo-scientific woo they use to extract money from the rubes.

It’s amazing, really, that anyone in this modern era is silly enough to believe this kind of bullshit.  But there are still Flat-Earthers out there.  It seems there is no idea so bizarre that some horse’s ass won’t believe in it.

Animal’s Daily Loony Flat-Earther News

Any of you True Believers from Australia? (We do get a few dozen hits a day, on average, from Down Under.)  If so, you may be surprised to hear that you apparently don’t exist.  Excerpt:

Australia is one of the biggest hoaxes ever created, and you have all been tricked. Join the movement today, and make it known that they have been deceived.

Make it known, that this has all just been a cover-up. The things these “Australian” says to be doing, all these swear words and actions based on alcoholism, MDMA and bad decisions, are all ways to distract you from the ugly truth that is one of the greatest genocides in history.

162,000 people was said to have been transported to this imaginary land during a mere 80 years, and they are all long dead by now. They never reached that promised land.

Tell the truth. Stand up for what is right.Make sure to spread the world – Australia is not real. It’s a codeword for the cold blooded murder of more than a hundred thousand people, and it is not okay. We will not, accept this.

Stand up for the ones who died. Let it be known, that Australia does not exist. [sic]

Uh huh.

Matthew Quigley begs to differ.

Now, to be clear, the article linked isn’t supporting the flat-earth view; it is, like we are doing here, poking fun at it.

What’s really odd is that there are actual organizations out there supporting this horseshit; see here and here for examples.  In this amazing modern era we live in, the idea that anyone could actually believe such an enormous, steaming pile of codswallop is… baffling.  But don’t worry overly much, Aussies; I haven’t been Down Under yet myself (it’s on my bucket list, though) but several people I know and trust have been, and they all tell me that yes, you really do exist.

As for the flat-earthers, well, there are people out there who believe all sorts of weird shit.

Animal’s Daily Dumb Idea News

Just when you thought we’d hit peak derp, along comes the Mayor of Stockton, (of course) California.  Excerpt:

Stockton Mayor Michael Tubbs says that for way too long, his city has been known for headlines about bankruptcy, violent crime and the housing collapse.

In the future, he wants it to be known as a place willing to test bold solutions.

Bold, and a little controversial.

Tubbs, a Stockton native and Stanford graduate who is all of 27 years old, wants to give at least $500 a month to a select group of residents. They’ll be able to spend it as they wish, for 18 months, in a pilot program to test the impact of what’s called guaranteed basic income.

Derp?  Sure.  We’ve seen this derp before.  But here’s where Tubbs hits peak derp:

If the very sound of that knocked you half off your chair, this next initiative might finish the job.

Stockton is about to award stipends of up to $1,000 a month to residents deemed most likely to shoot somebody. This program is called Advance Peace, and it’s modeled after a crime reduction program in the Bay Area city of Richmond.

The idea is that a small number of people are responsible for a large percentage of violence, and offering them an alternative path — with counseling and case management over an 18-month period, along with a stipend if they stay the course — can be a good investment all around.

“Let me be clear, Advance Peace is not a get out of jail free card,” Tubbs wrote in explaining the program on Stockton’s public safety website. “Participating in this program doesn’t erase the past, but it does help these young men learn how to make better choices for their own and our community’s collective future.”

There’s a difference between a vision and a hallucination, and time will tell with Tubbs. But I like the young man’s mix of rebelliousness, impatience and willingness to take risks.

There is a difference between a vision and a hallucination.  Mayor Tubbs’ vision is the latter.  And his hallucination will founder on one rock, namely:  How is he going to pay for all this?

California is, at present, essentially a Latin American economy, with a few enormously rich residents, a massive poverty-stricken population, and a moribund middle class.  Stockton has almost none of the first, a whole lot of the second and a few – maybe – of the third.

There’s just no blood to get out of that stone.

Of course, being an economic illiterate and quite possibly delusional is no bar to elected office, especially in California.  And the sad part is that his proposals will probably gain support in Stockton.  The siren song of Free Shit tends to have that effect.

Animal’s Daily Knife Control News

We’ve noted this line of thinking in the once-Great Britain before, but now it’s a judge making stupid statements about knife control.  Excerpt:

A judge has called for a drastic rethink on the way we use knives in kitchens in a bid to reduce the number of young men dying on our streets because of knife crime.

And he has come up with an idea for a scheme that could be rolled out across the UK where members of the public could take their kitchen knives to be ‘modified’ and the points ground down into rounded ends.

Here’s his line of thought, such as it is:

‘But why we do need 8′ or 10′ kitchen knives with points? Butchers and fishmongers do, but how often, if at all, does a domestic chef use the point of an 8′ or 10′ knife? Rarely, if at all,’ he said.

At the moment police forces hold ‘amnesties’ where bins are placed outside police station and members of the public can get rid of lethal weapons – no questions asked.

Judge Madge’s idea is for everyone to be able to take the knives from their kitchen drawers to centres where the points could be filed down.

‘I would urge all those with any role in relation to knives – manufacturers, shops, the police, local authorities, the government – to consider preventing the sale of long pointed knives, except in rare, defined, circumstances, and replacing such knives with rounded ends,’ he said.

He went on: ‘It might even be that the police could organise a programme whereby the owners of kitchen knives, which have been properly and lawfully bought for culinary purposes, could be taken somewhere to be modified, with the points being ground down into rounded ends,’ he said.

Oh, for the love of Pete.  Brits used to have some balls; this was a nation that stood alone against Hitler for months until the Soviet Union and the United States entered World War 2.  Now a British judge is whining about pointy kitchen knives, and in Scotland a man has been arrested for – I’m not kidding – brandishing a potato peeler.

The thinking here isn’t too different from that of American gun-grabbers, namely, blaming an inanimate object for the action of a person; effectively, blaming the sword for the hand that wields it.  Anyone with any knowledge of cause analysis knows the first rule of that art is that the tool is never the cause.  An action requires an actor.  That’s something this judge doesn’t seem to get.

And I never, ever thought Monty Python would end up being a documentary.

Animal’s Hump Day News

Happy Hump Day!

Someone read my Blue Monday post this week.  To be fair, this article added some stuff I  hadn’t really thought about; by all means, go read it.

Moving right along:  Here’s your kook of the day and, shamefully, Newsweek appears to be reporting this as straight news.  Excerpts with my comments:

Amethyst Realm, a 27-year-old “spiritual guidance counselor” in England, says sex with ghosts is much better than sex with men—and she should know because she’s made love with at least 20 ghouls.

She’s a “spiritual guidance counselor?”  So what possible reason might she have for, you know, making this shit up?

Realm said on the British TV show “ITV This Morning” last week that she experienced her first truly spiritual encounter 12 years ago after she and her then-fiancé moved into a new home together when she felt a strange presence.

No, she didn’t.

“It started as an energy, then became physical,” she told hosts Phillip Schofield and Holly Willoughby.  

No, it didn’t.

“There was pressure on my thighs and breath on my neck. I just always felt safe. I had sex with the ghost.

No, she didn’t.

You can feel it.

No, you can’t.

It’s difficult to explain. There was a weight and a weightlessness, a physical breath and stroking, and the energy as well.”

No, there isn’t.

Realm said she had a love affair with the ghost for three years before her human lover came home from work early and saw a shadow of what appeared to be a man. Since her first encounter, Realm has said she has had sex 20 times with various ghosts.

No, she hasn’t.

Is it possible to have sex with Casper The (little more than just) Friendly ghost? Experts say, yes (or, more accurately, yes, yes, yes, yes, YES!).

No, no, no, no, NO!  You can only indulge your own oddball fantasies.

“People have the richest fantasies. If they’re getting pleasure from that fantasy, then it is possible,” said Rachel Sussman, a psychotherapist told Newsweek.

No, it’s not possible, any more than my imagining I can hunt a bull T-rex is possible.

It’s unfair, as there are plenty of reputable psychiatrists and psychologists out there, but indulging this kind of horseshit gives head-candlers a bad name.

Goodbye, Blue Monday

Goodbye, Blue Monday!

Thanks as always to Pirate’s Cove and The Other McCain for the Rule Five links!

File this under both “Darwin Award Looking For A Place to Happen” and “Absolute Nut Goes Nuts.”  Excerpt:

Seeking to prove that a conspiracy of astronauts fabricated the shape of Earth, a California man intends to launch himself 1,800 feet (549 metres) high on Saturday in a rocket he built from scrap metal.

Assuming the 500-mph (805-kmh), mile-long (1.6 km-long) flight through the Mojave Desert does not kill him, Mike Hughes told the Associated Press, his journey into the atmosflat will mark the first phase of his ambitious flat-Earth space program.

Hughes’s ultimate goal is a subsequent launch that puts him miles above Earth, where the 61-year-old limousine driver hopes to photograph proof of the disc we all live on.

“It’ll shut the door on this ball earth,” Hughes said in a fundraising interview with a flat-Earth group for Saturday’s flight.

Theories discussed during the interview included NASA being controlled by round-Earth Freemasons and Elon Musk making fake rockets from blimps.

Yes, True Believers, you read that right; Freemasons and Elon Musk are behind the “Round Earth Conspiracy.”  But here are the real laugh lines:

That said, Hughes isn’t a totally unproven engineer. He set a Guinness World Record in 2002 for a limousine jump, according to Ars Technica, and has been building rockets for years, albeit with mixed results.

“Okay, Waldo. 3 . . . 2 . . . 1!” someone yells in a test fire video from 2012.

There’s a brief hiss of boiling water, then . . . nothing. So Hughes walks up to the engine and pokes it with a stick, at which point a thick cloud of steam belches out toward the camera.\

Yes, that’s right; he poked it.  With a stick.

You just can’t make this stuff up.  Also:

“John Glenn and Neil Armstrong are Freemasons,” Hughes agreed. “Once you understand that, you understand the roots of the deception.”

Uh huh.

Here’s my favorite:

He won’t be able to test the rocket before he climbs inside and attempts to steam himself at 500 mph (805 kmh) across a mile (1.6 km) of desert air. And even if it’s a success, he’s promised his backers an even riskier launch within the next year, into the space above the disc.

“It’s scary as hell,” Hughes told the AP. “But none of us are getting out of this world alive.”

Here’s my prediction  Hughes won’t get out of that launch alive.

Now, some folks will be advocating for government interference with Hughes’ plan, to prevent him hurting himself.  I’m not in favor of that.  Not only should stupid people be conspicuous, I’m not particularly against allowing them to freedom to kill themselves, especially when it might be entertaining.   As long as he doesn’t crash into a populated area, and from his plans he doesn’t seem to be going over too many of those – I say, he should feel free to knock himself out.

Literally.