Category Archives: KooKoo

Animal’s Daily Master Troll News

By now you’ve all heard about the laughable Green New Deal put forth by New York Congresscritter Alexandra Occasional Cortex.  Even though this piece of crap looks like it was strung together by a third-grade candidate for Student Council, Senate Majority Leader McConnell wants to bring it up for a vote in the Senate.

Why?  Because it’s a masterpiece of trolling.  I applaud this!  Excerpt:

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell says he plans a floor vote on the Green New Deal resolution proposed by Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and endorsed by many congressional Democrats. McConnell wants Senate Democrats to go on record on this radical proposal. He especially wants those running for president and those who may face tough reelection campaigns in 2020 to do so.

Would such a vote be a stunt? You could call it that, but you could also use the same word to describe a great many votes in both chambers.

The Green New Deal is a big deal, potentially. I see no reason why the Senate shouldn’t express its view of the idea.

Ocasio-Cortez responded to McConnell by saying, in effect, bring it on. She stated:

[McConnell] is trying to bully the party and he’s banking on people not being courageous. I think people should call his bluff.

When McConnell banks on something, he usually has good reason to. This seems like a case-in-point.

The response by Congresswoman Crazy Eyes was priceless, amounting to “how dare you bring up the resolution I sponsored for an actual vote!”

Trolling this may be and trolling it is, but McConnell, no newcomer to these kinds of games, has a purpose beyond just the lulz.  He’s going to make every member of the Senate stand, vote and be counted, either for this atrocity or against it…

…including all the Senate Democrats who have or who are planning to declare as 2020 Presidential candidates.  Any, including those who have already expressed support, will have that support hung around their necks like a millstone in 2020.

Some folks are about to be reminded that this ain’t Mitch McConnell’s first rodeo.

Goodbye, Blue Monday

Goodbye, Blue Monday!

Thanks once again to Pirate’s Cove and The Other McCain for the Rule Five links – and be sure to read Part 5 of my revolver history over at Glibertarians.

Meanwhile, in Ireland, some nut decided to self-treat his back pain by injecting his own semen intravenously.  Yes, really.  Excerpts, with my comments:

In a new case study, Irish doctors report the baffling case of a 33-year-old man who injected his own semen intravenously for a year and a half, a self-developed “cure” intended to treat his chronic back pain. It does not appear to have worked.

No shit.

After reportedly injecting semen into his arm every month for 18 months, the man finally sought medical attention—but not for his arm. The patient instead complained of “severe, sudden onset lower pack pain,” having lifted a “heavy steel object” three days beforehand. During his checkup, the doctor found a patch of red swelling on his right forearm, after which the man admitted he’d been injecting himself with his own semen using a hypodermic needle he purchased online.

So, in what insane universe does this seem like a good idea?  Is there some weird cult, subculture or pseudo-scientific quackery that advocates injecting semen to deal with chronic pain?  In what way does this Irish moron think this is going to deal with what sounds like a pinched nerve, a pulled muscle or at worst maybe some minor damage to his spine?

This time around, he had injected three “doses” of semen, entering both his blood vessels and his muscles.

If he was shooting for intravenous and hit intramuscular, then that’s an added data point proving that he had no idea what the fuck he was doing.

While some might be tempted to speculate on his methods of obtaining and handling his own spooge prior to injection, I have to demur; that part of the process really doesn’t bear too much thinking about.  But I doubt concern over aseptic technique was one of the considerations, especially since he apparently repeatedly used a needle “he bought online.”

Apparently Spoogy McDipshit is going to survive this experience.  I suppose that’s a good thing, objectively, even though his history of decision making may well put him in candidacy for a Darwin Award at some point in the future.

Animal’s Daily Loony Shoes News

I like basics in footwear.  My favorite foot-housings are plain, unadorned Justin ropers; a pair costs a hundred bucks or so and can last twenty years.  The plain old roper boot (known as a Wellington in some parts) is 18th century technology, but there’s a good reason they haven’t changed much – and that’s because there’s no reason for them to change.  I put mine through rain, mud, snow, dust, rocks, all manner of stuff.   Clean them, apply some saddle soap and mink oil, and you’re good to go.  Simple and reliable.

That’s how footwear should be.  Simple and reliable.  So why do people have to complicate things?  Excerpt:

“Athletes will be able to update and evolve their shoes with upgrades, new features and services all through smartphone technology inside their footwear,” said Michael Donaghu, Nike’s vice president of innovation.

While Nike touts this shoe as a “mobile sports research lab on feet everywhere,” the shoe currently doesn’t provide any data, but the company said that will be coming.

“We are moving from fit to firmware,” said Donaghu.

Nike researchers said the Nike Adapt BB is the most tested shoe in its history. The company chose basketball as the first sport because of the demands basketball players put on their shoes with fast cuts and constant sprints.

Boston Celtics star Jayson Tatum has been the guinea pig secretly testing the Adapt behind the scenes. Tatum will wear the Adapt BB in the shoe’s professional debut Wednesday night when the Celtics play the Toronto Raptors. The shoe is available to customers beginning Feb. 17.

These damn things start at $350.  I could get a fair-middling pair of blue stingray cowboy boots for that, suitable for a Saturday night on the town, and I can tell you I consider that money far better spent.

Here’s my concern with high-tech shoes:  Shoes go on your feet, which are generally used for walking, running, hopping, jumping and other things that involve impact.  Further, those shoes are probably going to get muddy, wet, dirty in all sorts of ways.  And, sooner or later, the fancy smart-phone-adjustable gizmos are going to break, leaving you stuck with a really expensive pair of sneakers that you can no longer lace up.

This is a high-tech solution looking for a problem.  A First World problem.

 

Goodbye, Blue Monday

Goodbye, Blue Monday!

Thanks as always to Pirate’s Cove and The Other McCain for the Rule Five links – and check out my latest part in the “History of The Six-Gun” over at Glibertarians!  In fact, you should check the link to the right to read all my Glibertarians articles.

Meanwhile, California’s descent into lunacy continues apace.  Excerpt:

This is the state that told McDonalds they could no longer give away Happy Meal toys, all because a politician said it was hard for him to tell his children “No” as they drove by the Arches. (McDonalds instead charges for the toys, and they actually move MORE of them, while turning a larger profit as a result.) This is the state that recently criminalized restaurants serving drinks with plastic straws.

Now the next micro-managed policy is being forwarded. An assemblyman by the name of Phil Ting has latched on to the next big crisis to rock the Golden State, and we thank the stars he is there for the goodness of the residents.

All the elements are in place, from the fact-challenged statistics to the catchy rhyming hashtag!

And please, enough cannot be said about the shaming of the intern by posing on a stool as an anthropomorphic CVS receipt!

I have to agree on the mental and emotional abuse of the intern; that poor schmuck looks absolutely mortified.  And California residents will also feel mortified if this crap becomes law, another useless, feel-good measure intruding on how businesses conduct their affairs.  This will cost businesses more money to transition, once again jacking up the prices of consumer goods in the Golden Loony State, and making it harder on the margins for small businesses to compete.

Why the hell does anyone even attempt to do business in Californey any more, anyway?

Goodbye, Blue Monday

Goodbye, Blue Monday!

Thanks as always to Pirate’s Cove and The Other McCain for the Rule Five links!

Moving along:  I’ve often thought that there are certain levels of stupid that should be physically painful.  Here’s one.  Excerpts, with my comments:

Rick Hummer, an emcee at a flat Earth conference in Denver, looked into a sea of people and asked them to repeat three words.

“I’m not ashamed,” Hummer said.

The crowd eagerly responded.

“I’m not ashamed of ridicule,” they chanted. “I’m not ashamed of mockery. I’m not ashamed of insults.”

They should be ashamed.  They should be embarrassed.  I’m sure their families are.

After Hummell led his call-and-response, he introduced Rob Skiba. A popular YouTube character in the flat Earth community, Skiba pulled up a PowerPoint called “Debunking Flat Earth 101.” Then he whipped out a white lab coat.

“I have no academic credentials,” he said. “But I do have a cloak of credibility.”

If you didn’t burst out laughing after reading that, you have more self-control than I.

Charles Whitehead, who traveled from New Jersey, thought the theory was ridiculous when he heard it in 2016.

Then he listened to the rapper Bobby Ray Simmons – aka B.o.B. – talk about it. Whitehead watched some videos and realized he couldn’t prove the rapper wrong.

If you’re taking the world of a marginally literate fuckhead who calls himself a “rapper” on cosmology, then you really, seriously need to take a long, hard look at your life.

In all honesty, how can nitwittery of this sort even survive today?  People have known about the Earth being a sphere (well, actually, an oblate spheroid) for about five thousand years now.

I know I’ve harped on this particular stupidity before, and probably will again.  But this took place in my own Colorado, not very far from the Casa de Animal.   That brings a big group of idiots far too close for comfort.

Rule Five Three-Time Loser Friday

A long-time adviser to Her Imperial Majesty Hillary I, Dowager Empress of Chappaqua, said earlier this week that Her Imperial Highness will run for President again in 2020 – and that she’ll lose again.  Figures.  Excerpt:

Mark Penn, a top Democratic pollster and senior adviser to the Clintons and Andrew Stein, a Democrat who endorsed Trump in 2016, detailed why they think Lady Macbeth is ready for another go at the White House (via WSJ):  (Note:  The WSJ piece is paywalled.)

Expect Hillary 4.0 to come out swinging. She has decisively to win those Iowa caucus-goers who have never warmed up to her. They will see her now as strong, partisan, left-leaning and all-Democrat—the one with the guts, experience and steely-eyed determination to defeat Mr. Trump. She has had two years to go over what she did wrong and how to take him on again.

Richard Nixon came back from his loss to John F. Kennedy in 1960 and won the presidency in 1968. He will be the model for winning again. Mrs. Clinton won’t travel the country in a van with Huma Abedin this time, doing small events and retail politics. Instead she will enter through the front door, mobilizing the army of professional women behind her, leveraging her social networks, and raking in donations. She will hope to emerge as an unstoppable force to undo Mr. Trump, running on the #MeToo movement, universal health care and gun control. Proud and independent, this time she will sideline Bill and Mr. Obama, limiting their role to fundraising.

The generation of Democrats who have been waiting to take over the party from the Clintons will be fuming that she is back and stealing their show. But they revealed themselves to be bungling amateurs in the Brett Kavanaugh nomination fight, with their laughable Spartacus moments. She will trounce them. Just as Mr. Trump cleared the field, Mrs. Clinton will take down rising Democratic stars like bowling pins. Mike Bloomberg will support her rather than run, and Joe Biden will never be able to take her on.

Don’t pay much attention to the “I won’t run” declarations. Mrs. Clinton knows both Mr. Clinton and Mr. Obama declared they weren’t running, until they ran. She may even skip Iowa and enter the race later, but rest assured that, one way or another, Hillary 4.0 is on the way.

President Trump is no doubt salivating at the very idea.

The Democrats, if they have a single brain cell among them, must already be figuring out who in their party is going to bell the cat and tell Her Imperial Majesty to shut up and go home.  All they need in the 2020 election is Her Royal Highness cackling, shambling, stumbling, hectoring, being carried up stairs and fainting through another election.  Her 2016 campaign was a weird, surreal combination of Weekend at Bernie’s, Sally from Mystery Men and The Devil Wears Prada.

Her Imperial Majesty never had the campaign skills her husband wielded so effortlessly.  While it would be roundly amusing to see her bumble another Presidential run, the Democrats won’t allow it.  Their bench is pretty thin for 2020, but let’s be honest; of a list of bad candidates, she’s the worst.

It’s way past time the Dowager Empress retired.

Animal’s Hump Day News

Happy Hump Day!

Well, it looks like we’ll have to deal with Dems running the House, but the GOP has managed to pick up seats in the Senate.  While we will have to likely deal with Speaker Pelosi again (ugh) judicial appointments will proceed.  That’s not nothing.

At least now the silly season is over, and we can all rest and recover for a little while until the 2020 election cycle begins, when…

… What’s that?  It already started?  At midnight last night?

Fuck.

Well, at least we’ll have horse’s asses like Ezra Klein to entertain us:


“House popular vote?”  What the hell is this idiot blathering on about?

There is, apparently, some RHEEEEing on the political left about some of our institutions, specifically the Senate and the Electoral College, being “undemocratic.”  Well, yes; that’s by design.  The United States is not a democracy, it’s a Constitutional Republic.  The Constitution was written to include safeguards against direct democracy, which the Founders (correctly) saw as little more than mob rule.

The Senate and the Electoral College are, of course, two of those safeguards.  Were it not for those, the nation would be run by New York, Chicago, San Francisco and Los Angeles, and the rest of the country would be hosed.

But the “House popular vote?”  That’s a new level of stupidity.  What does Klein propose?  Handing over control of the House to whatever party gains the most votes nationwide?  Why not?  To hell with Congressional districts.

Hell, we may as well just have a Parliament.  Why not just appoint a king while we’re at it?

What a jackass.

Goodbye, Blue Monday

Goodbye, Blue Monday!

Thanks again to Pirate’s Cove for the Rule Five links!  Also, our good friend Wombat-socho, who compiles links and so forth for our also-good-friends Robert Stacy McCain and Smitty, has fallen under the weather.  Please go here for news and ways in which to wish him the best.  Wombat’s a great guy, and we wish him a speedy recovery.

I wish I could say this was a surprise.  A man hunting elk in Montana was mauled by a grizzly, and animal rights morons responded by bemoaning the fact that he survived.  Excerpt:

Sunday, right before he went into surgery, a friend messaged him a warning that an animal rights group in England had reposted his post.

The flood gates opened.

Many of the comments Legasa received were supportive. Friends, family and strangers wished him a speedy recovery. But there were many critical, mean and violent comments, too.

“Karma. Can you post your address so that someone can finish the job and feed the remains to the bears in winter,” posted a Facebook user from France.

“Come on guys, don’t be so mean. This is incredibly tragic,” wrote someone from Canada. “Tragic that Momma Bear didn’t get a chance to finish the job of taking out the trash.”

An American wrote, “Bet you’re not the apex predator you thought you were. Let’s hope the next time the bear finished what it started.”

First off:  Facebook is a damned snake pit of stupid, and if you post anything there, you shouldn’t be surprised at any response you get from the moron gallery.  But with that said:

Speaking as the guy who literally wrote the book on these assholes, none of this surprises me one iota.  When Misplaced Compassion came out in 2001, I got a stunning amount of hate mail and even some shitty, threatening phone calls – which calls I responded to with jeering and taunts until the caller eventually gave up.  I was even approached in a parking lot after leaving the 850KOA talk radio building in Denver by an animal rights nut who suddenly thought better of threatening me personally when he noted I was younger (then!) and probably had ten inches height and seventy-five pounds on him.

That’s why the current discussion of threats and so forth in politics doesn’t surprise me.  It’s not anything new.  I’ve been dealing with it for seventeen years now.

Animal’s Daily Staggering Lack of Self-Awareness News

Her Imperial Majesty Hillary I, Dowager Empress of Chappaqua, is at it again.  Relevant quote from Her Imperial Majesty, with my comments:

“What I would like to see is a democratic majority that actually has the chance to make that choice right now the Democrats have very few tools at their disposal to stop the Republicans from going full speed ahead and engaging in the kind of unprecedented behavior as they did with the Garland nomination. So I’m not in favor of either unilateral disarmament or Defcon-10. I think there has to be some effort to try to get back to regular order, try to get back to having a system, a process in place so that we are not subjected to the hardball behavior of the Republicans that we saw in the Garland nomination, and we’re not subject to the outrageous denial of the information that was requested on Kavanaugh.

It’s worth pointing out that Senate Democrats had several times as much data on Judge Kavanaugh as was presented for prior candidates.

“I mean, there can’t be one set of rules for Democrats and one set of rules for Republicans.”

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

“That’s one of the reasons why people don’t have any confidence in the Congress. How can you? You don’t know what’s going to happen from day to day.”

This is true; back in the day you didn’t have shrieking maniacs being led out of Senate hearing chambers in handcuffs during the confirmation process of a Supreme Court justice nominee.  And, pray tell, who were those shrieking maniacs?  Hint:  They weren’t NRA members or College Republicans.

I remember back in the Thomas hearing when senator bird was asked what he was going to do, and he said in a situation like this we should give the benefit of the doubt to the court and the country. And that’s what the Republicans should be doing right now, from the White House down Pennsylvania avenue to the Senate, give the benefit of the doubt to the court and the country.

You mean like you gave the benefit of the doubt to Paula Jones?  To Kathleen Willey?  To Monica Lewinsky?  Care to remind us, Your Royal Highness, how you reacted to your husband’s bimbo eruptions?

So, True Believers:  Is Her Imperial Majesty running again in 2020?  Because this interview sure seems like it’s intended to position Herself for another run.  Republicans all over are salivating at the thought, but who knows?  Besides, a nasty primary  fight between Her Royal Highness and Fauxcohantas Warren would sure be entertaining.

Animal’s Daily Colorpuncture News

Here, True Believers, we have some Gwyneth Paltrow-level horseshit.  Excerpt:

Acupuncture is many things. There’s the traditional insertion of needles at acupoints on the body. But there’s also electro-acupuncture, acupressure, ear acupuncture, hand acupuncture, foot acupuncture, scalp acupuncture, insertion of gold beads, electrodermal acupuncture with a biofeedback machine, moxibustion with burning mugwort, cupping, and even tongue acupuncture. In other variants of acupuncture, homeopathic remedies are injected at acupoints, and acupoints are stimulated with light, sound, pressure, heat, electromagnetic frequencies, and waving the hands over acupoints. The silliest is tong ren, where patients rhythmically tap acupuncture meridians on an acupuncture doll. A close second for silliness is esogetic colorpuncture.

Colorpuncture applies various colors of light to acupoints with a small flashlight-like instrument with a colored quartz rod. The tip of the instrument touches the skin or is held a short distance above it. Seven basic colors are used: the warm colors (red, orange, and yellow) increase energy; the cool colors (green, turquoise, blue, and violet) decrease energy. Using warm and cool colors together will balance yin and yang energy flows. Treatments last 10 to 90 minutes.

Colorpuncture is a form of light therapy based on the hypothesis that photons are emitted by cells, allowing them to communicate. “Illness occurs when the cells can no longer speak the same language.” A German naturopath, Dr. Peter Mandel, supposedly developed colorpuncture over thirty-five years of intensive empirical research. It supposedly addresses the nonphysical origins of illness by “inviting our basic life energy to rearrange itself into a new state of balance.”

Please note that the linked article is debunking, rather than advocating, for the enormous steaming pile of woo that is “colorpuncture.”

While the purveyors of this nitwittery are of a kind with those who sell Ms. Paltrow’s corral litter, I’ll give the colorpuncture frauds credit for one thing; at least they are unlikely to do anyone an actual injury, unless some moron gets the genius idea to use lasers to get a stronger effect.  Can’t say that for Ms. Paltrow and her “shove a jade egg up your cooze to remove toxins” line of crap.

As I’ve said so often in these virtual pages, there is a point where fools and their money deserve to be parted.

But just the idea that there are people out there stupid enough to buy into this crap – that’s just downright unsettling.