Category Archives: Humor

Goodbye, Blue Monday

Goodbye, Blue Monday!

Thanks as always to Pirate’s Cove and The Other McCain for the Rule Five linkery!

An early flight back to (ugh) San Francisco beckons, so I’ll be brief.  Yesterday, while surfing a few news sites, I stumbled on one of the better pieces of anti-gunner trolling that I’ve encountered in some time.

I apologize in advance for linking to, sending you to or in any way drawing any attention to Derpbook, but that’s where this is found.  Enjoy.

This is definitely a case of “ahead Troll Factor Nine!”

And a mil-spec butter knife.  Eh heh heh heh.

Animal’s Daily Rubber Bullet News

The other night, in Phoenix:

Eh heh heh heh.

This is one of those cases where it wouldn’t really matter who this asshole was protesting; in any case, the behavior of “antifa” fascists is out of control.  A few generations ago, they would have been dispersed at bayonet-point; in recent events (Berkeley) they have been emboldened by a general lack of police response.

Not in Phoenix, though.

In spite of some of the headlines on this incident (including mine) this dickhead wasn’t actually hit by a rubber bullet:

According to Sgt. Howard with Phoenix police, some people in the crowd began to throw rocks, bottles and other projectiles at police and someone in the crowd dispersed tear gas in the area.


After the crowd was given a warning to disperse, police used smoke, pepper balls, pepper spray, tear gas and flash bangs to make them disperse. Howard said that no rubber bullets were used by police.


Police did make four arrests, three pertaining the protests and one on an unrelated warrant. The three arrested in relation to the protests were 28-year-old Daireus Stokes, 25-year-old Pamela Robertson and 34-year-old Derrick Pacheco.

So, that means that the jackwagon in the video was hit by something else – probably, judging from the video, a smoke grenade, most likely fired from a launcher.

I bet that really smarts.

Animal’s Hump Day Commentary News

Happy Hump Day!
Happy Hump Day!

The internet has changed all of our lives – at least those of us who are old enough to remember the pre-Internet world.  It has revolutionized business, socialization, culture and politics.

But there’s a dark side.

Ever read the comments on a blog post, a YouTube video, or a news story?  It can be disheartening.  But, dedicated observer of cultural phenomena that I am, I have taken it upon myself to visit such comments sections and compile a set of three rules, which shall henceforth be known as Animal’s Rules of Internet Commentary, and will now present them here for the edification of True Believers everywhere.

  1. The Facebook rule.  Facebook itself is bad enough; it has without a doubt the worst noise-to-signal ratio on the internet (and that’s really saying something) but it’s also easily ignored.  Not so when a blog or news site uses the Facebook commentary plugin.  The Facebook rule states that the use of the Facebook commenting plugin reduces the average IQ of commenters by 36%.
  2. The YouTube rule.  Bad as Facebook is, YouTube commenters are worse.  But there’s a bright side; there is no YouTube comment plugin.  But a few moments spent reading comments on any YouTube video upload – go ahead, choose one at random and see for yourself – and observe the stupidity for yourself.  But be careful:  The YouTube rule states that even reading YouTube comments can cause temporary or, in some cases, even permanent brain damage.
  3. The Left-Wing Site rule.  The reasons for this are the matter of some speculation, but the facts of it are well-documented;  left-leaning web sites are far less tolerant of dissent than right-leaning sites.  So much for the vaunted ‘tolerance’ of the Left; try posting dissenting opinions at HuffPo or Daily Kos, and see how long your posts/accounts last.  The Left-Wing Site rule states that you are 98.723% more likely to be banned for dissent from a left-leaning blog or site than from a right-leaning one.

Derp BearMany hours of study went into these observations, and a considerable amount of income went into the purchase of draft beers and Scotch to help erase the effects of reading Facebook posts and YouTube comments.

But that’s all right.  I did it for you, True Believers; I did it for you.

Animal’s Daily News

BearLaughing1As opposed to a single story, here is an assortment of various things today, mostly because I didn’t run across anything to get worked up about.  Let’s get started!



Goose!  (Yes, I had to do it.)

Which animals (not Animals) are mostly like to kill you?  The answer may surprise you.  (Hint:  It’s not wombats.)

Facepalm-bearThe Donald is running for President (yes, really) and claims he will be the “Greatest Jobs President God Ever Created.”  Uh huh.  It remains unconfirmed whether Trump will place his hair into nomination for Vice President.  Note:  I’ll write something on Trump’s candidacy when I can manage to stop facepalming so repeatedly that it sounds like a round of applause at the Royal Albert Hall.

Real bioengineered animal weapons.

What happens when an entire country is infested with demons?  More facepalming. happens.  But apparently, after the exorcism, the invisible, undetectable demons that nobody could see, hear or feel – are gone.  How?  Because.

Uh huh.

On a related note:  The Pope wants a global authority to manage the climate. He should stick to driving demons out of entire countries.  Or, maybe, you know, running the Catholic Church, which actually is his job.

To make up for all that, here is some gratis totty from the archives.